Acting as if

Last February I did a talk for Portsmouth Bookfest on being motivated to keep on writing when nobody wants to buy your work.  I covered various aspects of dealing with the rejection and indifference of the publishing world, including a piece on the Imposter Syndrome.

I was reminded of this last week by several things.  The first was talking to the organiser of an event who'd sent out a formally-worded call for pitches to take part in a festival event.  The wording of the invite put me off pitching, and my reaction was quite ridiculous.

And it was totally inconsistent with how I reacted to another invitation to pitch, which I also received last week.  For that one I had to fill in a form and say how I was going to engage new audiences, and how I was going to market the event.  That should have put me off much more, but it didn't.

One of the reasons it didn't was because I'd already done two lectures for the previous two years' of the event, so I know the organiser reasonably well.  And, more importantly, she was in the audience for my recent event, and gave me good feedback about it, so I felt confident of a good reception for my pitch.

As I reflected on the difference in my reactions, I started thinking about Imposter Syndrome again. I am still not a mainstream published author, and there are times when I still hesitate to volunteer for something partly because of that.

That's one of the reasons why I love science fiction conventions so much.  They go out of their way to be inclusive, and they are willing to schedule total unknowns onto panels sitting alongside the big names.  I have now appeared on panels at world science fiction cons in London and Helsinki, and I've just heard that I've been accepted into the programme for this year's Worldcon, to be held in Dublin this August.

I have no trouble faking it til I make it at SF cons, and I've always found my fellow panellist to be respectful of this nobody.  I'm really looking forward to discovering what panels I'm going to be assigned to in Dublin, and who I'm going to meet through my involvement.

Fake it til you make it is easier in some setting than others, but most times I've learned to slap down the Imposter and say yes to things.