The hidden imposter

I'm also starting to plan for the next novel this week.  At this stage, that takes the form of casting around for ideas, and it is prime territory for Imposter Syndrome.

We're sometimes aware of how it stops us doing things.  For me with short stories, that could take the form of deciding not to submit to a magazine or anthology.  They've never accepted my work before, so why should I waste my time writing something specially for them now, when all they'll do is reject this new little piece of my heart.

That's how self-rejection works, and it's driven by Imposter Syndrome.  I sit there thinking that my story isn't original enough, or that the writing isn't literary enough, so I don't bother sending in the fruits of my creativity.

Women especially can fall prey to this, and there's a great quote in Elizabeth h Gilbert's Big Magic about how women need to be sure they're 100% qualified to say something, while men just chuck stuff out anyway.

This does have an effect on what I choose to write about in my novels.  I read a huge, richly-detailed sprawling space opera and I beat myself up for not being able to write something similar. But the truth is I don't have a passion for that kind of story.

Yes, I can admire a huge sprawling universe, but I can't relate to vast armies destroying whole worlds and civilisations, ending the lives of billions by the push of one button.  That cruelty, that remoteness, will never be part of my work.

My focus is usually much smaller.  Often my main character is someone not in the power structure.  Often he or she is some kind of outsider, a check or balance on the use of great power. The Imposter wants to tell me that their little stories are not flashy enough to warrant publication,

Then I come across Arkady Martine's A Memorh Called Empire and Elizabeth Bear's Machine,  These are stories of one character, an outsider, working to understand vast galaxy-scanning bureaucracies.  The focus is on what one individual character sees and does, hears, and feels.  And when I read these stories I realise I'm falling prey to the Imposter in my thoughts about my own work again.  My work also has that tight focus, but I'm thinking of it as too domestic.

This hidden Imposter can stop us in our tracks often.  It can persuade us that it's not even worth writing that story.  If we do manage to ignore it and write the story, the Imposter tells us that nobody wants to read it.  No wonder submitting work is such a hard battle.  The first skirmish we need to win is over the negative voice in our own minds.

I've found that since I could name that voice I'm more aware of its insidious influence.  Naming and shaming is the way to go to vanquish the nasty little voice of the hidden Imposter.