A fresh start

 This week I've been doing several writing tasks.  I have a completed novella which I've always loved, which I want to submit for an open call in a couple of weeks.  There's also a competition for a novel opening which I'm planning on entering, and I wanted to rearrange my first two chapters for that.

In preparation for the novella call I got the manuscript our again and went over the start for the millionth time.  The story is told in two viewpoints.  One is a president, who sets things in motion and then has to sit on the sidelines to see if her huge gamble pays off.  The second viewpoint is of a murderer who is promised his freedom if he succeeds in doing a very difficult - and possibly deadly - task.

I've always loved the prisoner's part. He's an accidental murderer, and he killed trying to protect his mother,  Add to that the ingredients of him coming from a poor family on the wrong side of town, being gay, and being black, and I think he is a character the reader can empathise with.  His part was a joy to write, and it was a joy to read through again, too.  I really love that part of the narrative, with its three bickering men doing the impossible,

The problem is that, to get to that section, I have to start with the president's viewpoint,  She acts as an 'Innocent abroad', a person who knows nothing of the history of the incident the story deals with,  That means I can use the security chief to tell her the backstory, and in the process provide vital context for the reader.

My earliest drafts of that scene were nothing more than a history lecture by the security chief.  They were a tedious monologue where she related what a previous president did a century ago.  It had to go.

My rewrite is half the length of the original scene.  First I removed a lot of the president's internal dialogue.  Then I added ways she could react to what the chief is telling her.  The news she's just received is shocking, and puts millions of innocent people in potential danger.  The three previous presidents have tried to solve the problem and failed.   She's up against it and has to do something different.

In the new draft she paces around her office, reacting to the shocking things she's been told.  And that's another thing I've added to the scene: more emotion.  Now I show her fear and panic, and her brief feeling of hopelessness before the security chief throws her a lifeline which will allow her to deal with the situation.

The rewrite took me six drafts to hone.  Every time I read it I saw something else I could streamline, or delete.

Now I'm confident that the scene hooks the reader in without lecturing, and the novella is ready to submit.