Taking responsibility for my stories

I was at Havant Writers' Circle a couple of weeks ago when one of the members announced that he had decided that he ought to read the members' work.  He asked me which book of mine I would recommend.  For a moment I was taken aback.  Then I recommended Panthera : Death Spiral, the first in my series of Eco-crime SF adventure books.  But my momentary hesitation before I replied to him got me thinking about the issue of claiming responsibility for our writing.

If we just write for ourselves then we never have to let our work stand up for itself.   And there are several members at the Circle who preface a reading of their manuscript with a sort of apology or explanation for the piece.  What they're really saying is 'Don't hurt me.  Don't destroy the product of my heart.'  They're afraid of putting their work out there for review.

I know from decades of reading out my work to different critiquing groups that the moment you show work to other people they will interpret your story on their terms.  And this, of course, is exactly what I do with other writers' works.  And no matter how much that author may be a bestseller, or how much that author has won awards for that book, if I think his or her writing is poor I will stick to that view.

I've often read enthusiastic reviews praising books that have left me completely cold.  Those reviews  praised the brilliant pace of books which I thought were turgid in the extreme.  In some cases I've forced myself to read to the end, because I want to see if the book improves later on.  If it's such a feted story there must be more to it.  Mustn't there?

Sadly, I've rarely changed my mind when I've reached the end.  Instead of being left with a sense of satisfaction, all I've felt is massive relief.  I can stop reading that stuff now.

So that's why I hesitated before recommending my own book.  I know it's been edited to within an inch of its life, copy, and line, edited by others.  I know the story is properly planned and the plot hangs together.  Yet still there's that nervousness about how a stranger will interpret my work.  

But I have to take responsibility for my stories. If I want to be a published author I have to get used to setting out  my ideas and then letting them go.  And I have to learn not to worry about how others interpret those ideas.  I have to say "This is my vision.  Take it or leave it, but it's mine."