I Just Wanna Be Me
I've been doing more of the love/hate dance with social media this week. The text that got my hackles up this time was an author being described as "influential" and "ground-breaking".
Straight away my Imposter Syndrome kicked in with its litany of doom. "If that's what's needed to get published, then you might as well give up now. You're not influential. And I don't think that what you write is ground-breaking".
The Syndrome often expands itself in a most creative way. "You call yourself a science fiction writer, yet all you do is write little stories about the near future. And about humans. Where's the Galaxy-spanning action? Where's the shiny new tech? Oh, the Imposter can get quite creative about putting down me down when it really tries.
But what does "influential" really mean? What does "ground-breaking"mean? They're labels put on authors by other people. And I've read enough "ground-breaking" SF by feted writers to know that I often don't agree with that label. I've often wondered why a book or series is so well regarded when I've found it leaden or derivative.
The only way to stay sane is to take no notice other people's labels. So, Imposter, be off with you. I reject your comparisons with these feted others. For I know a truth that you ignore. That truth is that I can't compare to them. How could I? I'm a different individual, with my own values, concerns, passions, and way of seeing the world.
And the 'me' as a writer focuses primarily on the near future. It often tries to find alternatives to the shiny-tech universe that seduces so many. And which I believe is the main reason why so many women are alienated from SF. That kind of future is frightening, cold. The passion has been lost from those worlds.
And my characters also want to find such alternatives to such passionless worlds. Often they live on the margins, in places where the wild still exists, and where they can be free to be themselves. Rather like me, really.
So be off, Imposter. Take your evil comparison whispers elsewhere. I just wanna be me.
I'm like you... I don't quite believe l'm a fully fledged writer because l don't have a book published yet. Yet if l look back on how far l've come in such a short space of time, learning not only how to write to be published, but all the basic skills which l should've learnt in school l have much to be proud of. Most authors have been to university or have a background in journalism, so l see my small challenges as huge step forwards for myself. I know l've still got a long way to going to catch up with the big names on the best seller's list, but to me l would rather let my confidence grow with me than feel like a nervous fish out of water.
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